Like many of us I have had to battle my fair share of demons, from a past I would rather forget. They left me broken, I found it hard to trust, love and be loved.
Then one fateful day, on the side of a wet soapy hill, I met the Vicar (Selina Garner). She invited me on a bike ride, and that ride was to be the beginning of my journey.
I’d love to be able to stand here and say it’s been easy, but it hasn’t. I am having to learn to love, to trust and to forgive. Facing up to things from the past and not locking them away has made this one of the hardest times of my life, emotions have been raw and many times I have wanted to give up and walk away.
When my car broke down irreparably and I couldn’t get to work the church offered me a sort of internship for a period of six months and I moved in with Jill Purser the Lay minister at St Mary’s Uffculme. I was very excited about this, I thought I wanted to explore youth and children’s work and thoroughly intended the six months to be an awesome experience. It did not quite work out as I had planned it in my head! Whilst I did have some wonderful experiences, this time actually became a time where I broke, completely and utterly.
At the end of the six months I was not in a good place, and was actually thinking that I had done the wrong thing. I had no job no money and could not see a way out. I had a massive crisis of faith and blamed God and questioned whether he was there at all.
However, I stuck with it, someone up there would not let me walk away. And with the continued support of Jill, Selina and the local church (oh and God of course!) I began to start to see a positive spin on everything. I realised that my six months had been more of a learning experience and actually a chance for me to let go. I had learned a lot of things about myself as a person, and also that youth and children’s work was not what I wanted to do as a career!
So with some prayer and a lot of thought I started to really think about what exactly it was that God might be wanting me to do! I had become aware over the six months of work experience, that I really enjoyed being with and working with the older members of our community, age concern lunches and coffee mornings had become things that I really looked forward to, and had become life giving.
Every now and again the idea of working with elderly would pop into my head, but I poo hooed them as I thought I didn’t have enough experience. Then one night I prayed about finding a job and asked God to give me a little help, and low and behold in the very next issue of the Culme Valley Gazette I opened up to the Job section, and there on the first page was an advert for staff at Kent Farm Care Home. I immediately picked up the phone and requested an application. This application then sat on my bedside table for two weeks, and I was about to chuck it away when Jill gave me the prompt to fill it in. So I did, and the next day I popped it in the post and at that point really thought I had no chance at all of getting the job!
However I am now a care assistant at Kent Farm Care home, and I can say without a doubt it is the most rewarding job I have ever had. I really feel that this was part of Gods plan and that there is more to come, I am not sure what, and hope over time this will become clear. But for now I am just enjoying my job and thanking God every day for the opportunities he continues to give me.
So amongst all the pain and mess it has also been a time full of amazement, God has clearly been at work, and the continuous love and blessings I receive leave me speechless and give me the courage to go on.
Our God really is awesome!
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